Day 27 was the classic day-after letdown. You know when you have been looking forward to something, planning it, making sure everything is perfect … and then it is over. Like a popped balloon: all the air is out and you got nothing but a useless piece of latex. I always feel sad the next day after a big event … “that was super fun, what’s next?” Oh yeah, nothing … a Big Fat Nothing.
As I was preparing for church, I had a choice: put on another fun, pretty dress and put the static wardrobe to the side, or get my game face back on and stick to my mission. I chose to stick to the mission. I felt comfortable and happy in my mission anyway.
I have a blanket that I have had since college – my entire family affectionately has named it “Green Blankie.” Since it is getting older and very loved with use, it is not the blankie it once was … but still loved nonetheless. The static wardrobe is starting to feel to me like Green Blankie. A comfortable old friend. It just fits and it’s easy, I don’t have to worry about being sent into an emotional spiral if it doesn’t fit … it just fits. It is just right. Like Goldie Locks’ porridge: just right!
When working in the Fashion Industry, oftentimes you have formal events or fundraisers to attend. It was 1995 and I had been looking forward to a particular event for a while, even meticulously planning. I had made a hair appointment, and the direction to my stylist “Thteve” (he had a fantastic Chelsea lisp) was bold: make it fashionable and make it glamorous. He knew I was going to a high fashion event and took that to mean that I needed to look edgy. I wanted Marilyn-esque Glam-Glam. Instead he gave me the Miley Cyrus pompadour of today, just 20 years too early. I did not want to hurt Thteve’s feelings, so I said, “Looks great! I don’t have time to chit chat, but thanks!” and then cried the entire way home on the subway. I jumped in the shower when I got home and started over … the Glam I was going for did not exactly happen and to add insult to injury, it was pouring down rain the whole time and my date was more interested in all the other pretty girls in the room but me. I still have that dress in my closet. I really don’t know why I have held onto it all these years other than the memory of the excitement I felt. I guess it would be perfect for today too, just like my hair, with peekaboo fabric on the sides and back. See? I am always 10 (maybe more) years ahead before the trends really take fire. That night I could not get out of my dress fast enough, cuddle up in Green Blankie and wait for the next day to start.
I have so many distinct memories attached to my clothing. That is why it has been hard for me to minimize, but I am realizing over time it is not the memories that taper attached to the clothes it is the memories attached to the people that matter. But somehow, when I pulled out our daughter’s First Birthday dress this weekend to give it away, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Now it is safely hanging in her closet. As I pulled it out, I replayed the party in my head and how proud I was and excited for her life. How my sister carried her around and how she loved the guitarist Mr. Dan. It is hard to get rid of many special pieces of clothing because of those memories.
Feeling good in what you wear also adds to those positive memories, but in the same way you remember when people or things go negatively. I am not sure if other people feel this way but I sure do: when I am not feeling good about myself and feel like I look awful, it can affect everything that I am doing. I don’t hold my head as high or feel confident to talk to people. I have this overarching feeling of blahhhh that even effects how I enjoy my time and the people surrounding me. I was feeling totally great and confident with my static wardrobe until I decided to wear a Rent the Runway dress to our son’s birthday party at Chuckie Cheese. My jean skirt and sweater combo would be perfectly acceptable and even expected for a party like Chuckie Cheese. Until that moment that made it all crash down for me: another one of the moms looked at me and said, “wow you look really great and so different!” with utter surprise in her voice. I just said ” thanks” and the she proceeded to say well you know, I mean and then she stopped. Yep I get it, I clean up well and most of the time even with my static wardrobe, most days I don’t take time to do hair or make-up, especially if I am crazy busy and don’t have a business meeting or event. Oooops I guess I should put a little more effort into my hair and makeup. Just so I am not scaring people. Gone are the days that I can run around with no makeup and have my makeup artist friends ogle over the natural look I created (when I had no makeup on). It’s always good for those reality checks to snap me back into a glam routine: going into the nail salon where the little lady looks at you, shakes her head and says you look tired. Time to up my game!