Day 2 was another really early morning. The stress of not having to think about what to wear was for sure off the table, my little guy doesn’t have school this week like much of the US but, my older do so, Hence it was a Day for running around and getting errands done. Since the Temps in CLT hit about 85 degrees , I decided to ditch the cardi ( not to happy about this because I feel chunky in just a tee)even so I went with the simple tee and jean skirt and white sneakers. I felt a little self conscious about the white sneakers , because they are not initially the one I wanted (those were sold out ) so these were my second choice and shopping with my tween daughter , she proclaimed she did not like them. Layer that on top of the tape that constantly plays in my head “you have big, ugly legs ” and it is for sure a recipe for a self esteem spiral. What do you do , not buy the sneakers ?I bought them they really were cute. Not wear them? I wore them. Isn’t it interesting that we are bound by something we heard when we were young and it follows us like a puppy needing food. Growing up as a dancer and then going into fashion body consciousness was deeply engrained , to the core of my being. This is a daily war in my mind, years ago maybe in the height of my struggle, working with a major designer and the uber uber anorexic herroin addict look was in it was 97. At the time I was running 40 miles a week and walking 2 1/2 miles to work and back 109th to 41 street ( I would run in Central Park, it was glorious!) , needless to say my legs were not big nor ugly. Still not satisfied so I walked into weight watchers , they told me my weight was in a healthy range, but they took my money anyway and put me on their program. My sister rightly saw what was going on, because she had seen it many times before in me , so she started praying Psalm 139 for me and told me she dedicated this verse to me , specifically she would pray that I would know God made me perfect when he formed me and I was wonderfully and perfect made . She was given such wisdom just to pray for people but not beat them over the head with it. As I was deciding between the Birkenstocks and the sneakers , knowing my internal struggle , I looked down at my wrist and saw PS 139 and Dragon fly , I have tattooed on my arm to remind me of my struggle and my sister who wept with me and for me over this struggle. I laced up my white sneakers and off we went. My self talk was telling me I was fine, it was ok and lift your head and walk with confidence onto the playground with my son even tough there were many other moms there, I find a bench in the shade with a clear view of my son and what do you know I had not been sitting down for 1 minute when the nanny sitting at the other end of the bench pops up and says , I love your sneakers, where did you get them? That did ease my mind a little, we all love a compliment, most of the time they are sincere, but I do know that in Charlotte they teach how to compliment people at Jr cotillion. I grew up in the north , this was definitely not taught , actually I was probably taught talking smack or being sarcastic when i met someone to break the ice. That is how I got the attention of teva guy.
I did get one question about my blog sitting on the bench, from another mom who was previously in fashion. She asked why I went with multipuls of the same piece in the same color for instance three jean skirts, rather than 3 colors in jean skirts. I chose this because I am taking the capsule wardrobe to the next level of minimalism. I wanted it to be a complete and utter no brainer, taking aboslutely no brain power at all, but I had to have more then one for the sake of not doing laundry every day. Honestly when I was researching capsule wardrobes , it felt like alot of pieces and alot of choices , I really wanted to limit my choices. See if I break down or cave to fashion slavery. I have other idea for the next few months to expand a little, but similar to when I did the whole 30, eating completely clean primal paleo for 30 days. After the 30 days was ended , I did not go wild and eat a full chocolate cake. I kept most of my new habit, some of the old ones gradually crept back in, but its been a few years since my first whole 30 and i still encorperate many of the habits.
I decided to use my spare time that I saved ( not picking out cloths , finding something that was clean or not wrinkles and that I felt like flattered my figure) cleaning out my closet, this is not a small task since it litterally looks like we were robbed and someone came it tore things out and threw them around . So I spent an hour on the task , I did make some headway , now I can at least see the floor in part of my closet. My daughter walked in my closet and found a stocking stuffer from Christmas I had lost and not gifted and said “Mom whats this, a zum zum with the tags on, I have never seen this one,”well honey thats because he was almost buried and lost forever on a journey in the unkown.” it was like she found money. I am actually hoping for that in round 2 of my closet cleanout. Keep watching for the date of my closet sale I have everything from 4-12 target-couture in handbags, shoes and clothing. Even though I know I am keeping some stuff, I really want a fresh start in Minimalism!
Thaks for reading and sharing this journey with me! I would love to hear your thoughts and comments below on something you would like to hear me touch on !